I may or may not have joined eHarmony about a week ago. I didn't really intend to interact with people on there, although I have been some. It's just sort of interesting to me, I guess. It's hard not to be curious. Most of my friends are either married, engaged, or in a relationship. Realistically, I know right now is not the right time anyway. I have pretty much always said I don't want to get married while I am still in school, and I still have about about a year and a half or two years before I finish, so pursuing a relationship right now is probably not the greatest idea anyway. Not that I would decline if somebody I thought was right came along. I've alluded to the fact that I've never been in a relationship, and that is definitely something that I am incredibly insecure about. In fact, it's probably the one thing I am the most insecure about. I pretty consistently ask myself or wonder if there is something wrong with me that I'm blatantly unaware of. I'm overweight, so I know that does not help matters, but that's also something I can (and need to... More about that at a later date, probably) change. Personality isn't something I can change. Not really, at least. I think I have a decent personality, but I also have a huge inferiority complex.
I was recently telling my best friend that I don't want to wake up when I'm 35 very much still living the same life I'm living now. It's not that I dislike my life now. Not at all. But if I was living this life in 12 years? That would be disappointing on several levels.
A lot of it comes back to something I have realized lately, which is that I often find myself very self-consumed, which is not healthy. I'm not really sure how to address that, but I guess being aware of it is the first step.
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