I'm not sure how so much time passes between entries. Life has a tendency to get away from me. Even when I am off work for two weeks (yay working in a school).
It seems like a lot has happened since the last time I wrote. And I suppose, in some ways, that is true.
I intended to write about one of those things about a month ago because it happened a month ago, and I never did.
I finally got around to texting my former crush who got engaged (the one I referenced here) to congratulate him. We talked for a minute about all the conversations we used to have about feeling like we were way behind the times compared to our mutual acquaintances. And he told me exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. "You helped me more than you realized when it came to my relationship despair... It was [God's] timing that brought [us] together. I know that He has His perfect timing for you too."
Sometimes God works through and in funny ways to get you what you need in that moment. And in that moment, those words were what I needed to hear.
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Brother and sister-in-law 2 are having a baby boy. He's due in June. I'm super excited and am planning on spending some time with them after he comes. They don't have any family near where they are, and I'm off work for the summer.
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Tomorrow marks my one year anniversary of moving to my new city. The city I was apprehensive of because of the size. The city that became home in what feels like an instant. I could not have asked for a better community. When I think back over the events that lead to my move, I can see all the ways God perfectly orchestrated things. I am beginning to realize that my job wasn't why He wanted me here (oops, I almost typed the name of my city!). I could not have ended up in a better church. The music is incredible, the preaching is always on point, and I have the type of community I have always desired. I'm not opposed to moving at some point in the future, but I can also see myself spending my life here. This city is home. It's funny because when I moved here last January, I had no idea if I would be here past June.
My small group does life updates a few times a year when we are in between studies or something. Just kind of where you are at; things that are going well as well as things that are a struggle. We were going to do them this week, but then had something else come up, so we have postponed to next week. I was thinking about what all I wanted to say. I have been having a hard time trusting God's timing in regards to a significant other. And then I started thinking about the timing related to everything about moving. Related to everything about this city. Why in the world would I question the timing of a God who perfectly orchestrated getting me a job outside of the toxic school system in which I initially wanted to work? Who made the weird timing of a new job without any proof of income fit with getting an apartment where I needed proof of income. Who provided for a job beyond the 4.5 months it was initially offered. Who has been faithful to provide the church community I have wanted and needed for years. How could I not trust His timing? It has always been just right. Sometimes I don't understand in the midst, but on the flip side, He has always had something better.
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Without going into details, there have been some discouraging things happen at work in the time I have been there. Just lots of places where I felt like I put in a lot of effort without much change. Within the last month, there has been one situation where I have put in a lot of effort, and it has been really effective. This is the first time, really, where I feel like something I am doing is actually making a difference. It is a wonderful feeling. I know I can't ride on that forever. You don't always see returns on investment, and that's okay. I don't have a magic wand. But it's been a good affirmation that I'm on the right track.
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I'm still on OKcupid and came across this absolutely atrocious profile earlier. I mean, there are a lot, but this one was bad. It was long, so I won't share it all. Just some highlights. I am pretty sure the guy has narcissistic personality disorder.
"What I have discovered is that OKC is littered with women who have a higher self worth than what a mirror and their personalities dictate." "I don't hit on extremely beautiful women. Actually, I don't even hit on women who are equal in my looks. I always go below what I am used to dating in the real world. Yet, when I hit on a woman on OKC and try to make a real connection I get ignored 99.99% of the time. And when I do get a response they are usually lukewarm about the whole situation, which is baffling because I am the more attractive of the 2 of us and the much more interesting one as well." "I see the same women on here year after year. Why aren't they finding a match? Because they are not giving the guys who are good matches for them a chance. Sad. Needless to say, my confidence has taken a huge hit over the last couple of years. Getting rejected by women who should be jumping through hoops to impress me is depressing and exhausting." "A lot of you women on here deserve to die alone. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart." "Wake up ladies. We are all speeding toward death at a frightening pace. Lets go out and see where this thing goes. Otherwise, FY."
Whoa. So much whoa. So if you message me (which he didn't), it's because you think I'm uglier than you. Oh, thanks. So sweet. That's definitely going to make me more attracted to you. If you see the same women on there year after year, that also means you are on there year after year and aren't finding a match. You want to know why? Because you are a pompous asshole who thinks too highly of himself. If your confidence has taken a hit because women who you view as not as good of a catch as you don't respond to your messages, then you are allowing total strangers to have too much of an impact on your life. You don't tell somebody they deserve to die alone unless they are a rapist or a murderer. You just don't. By the way, ending a long summary with a nice little f*** you isn't really doing you any favors either.
