Live it

I didn't originally start my last post with a quote. I was searching for one toward the end of writing and liked the one I ended up posting. It reminded me that I started this blog by starting each post with a quote. I'm not sure why, exactly. Perhaps it's because when I first starting writing just for the heck of it, quotes were kind of a thing. With me, at least. I like them now because I think they can quickly get to the essence of what I am trying to say, and the result is usually beautiful. Of course there are also idiots out there whose quotes aren't necessarily things of beauty.

When I was doing that, there would be times that a quote came to my mind, I went and found it, and *Plink* top of my post. Other times I knew I was writing about something in particular and would search a quote related to said topic. Rarely, I would just peruse quotes until I found one I liked. That's what I did tonight.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."-Allen Saunders

I am a planner. A worrier (thanks, Mom). I make plans. And I change them. And then I make them again, and I get frustrated when they don't happen the way I want them to. 

When I moved 18 months ago to start grad school full time, I anticipated that a lot of things in my life would change. I anticipated correctly, but things changed in ways that I would never have expected.

I have experienced more growth in the last 18 months than, well, any other time in my life, I think. Truly, though, I think one of the best things that is happened is that my life has been so busy and I have come to expect inconsistency that I don't have time to make plans. I mean sure, I make plans for what I am going to do that day. And I think through some long term things in my head. Like I eventually plan to get married, and after that I plan to have children. All the particulars, though? Hah. As Sweet Brown would say, "Ain't nobody got time for that."

It's amazing how much your life can change when you choose to live it instead of planning it. 

Beauty in every day

"Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life." -Mark Twain

A little over a month ago, I took the biggest test of.my.life. Three hours and 160 questions later, I walked out of the room just being glad it was done. Hoping I passed but not really knowing for sure. Last week I found out for sure. And I passed. WOOHOO! I was over the moon excited. There may or may not have been a scream when I got the congratulatory email from my professor. I also had the 2nd highest score among my peers (only 9 of us took it, so it's not that great, but still).

We found out on Wednesday that brother 3 and sister-in-law 3's baby is a boy. So exciting. Of course a girl would have been exciting as well. In all honesty, a boy will save me money. I do not possess the will power that would be required to go to Target and leave without at least one outfit for a baby girl if I had a niece on the way. Not that I don't still look at baby boy clothes when I go to Target anyway. I did almost buy some when I was there, but I figured this child is going to have more clothes than he will know what to do with, so I refrained. Not that it mattered when I went to Sears (of all places) an hour later and left with an outfit. It was on clearance and I couldn't resist the green corduroy pants. I mean how could you, am I right?

I am making nephew 1 (gotta stick with my incredibly original numbering system) a blanket. I'm using this quilt as a rough design. Nephew 1's initial isn't E, so I'll obviously change that, and I don't plan on doing the rag part. I'll just be doing blocks and then quilting it like a "normal" quilt. I'm excited.

I went to JoAnn's yesterday to get the fabric. I ended up with animal prints, which was not really my intention, but they were so cute. I got a whale print, a dinosaur print, a dog print, and a monster print, with a flannel backing that has square animal faces on it. It's pretty adorbs. I'll have to post pictures when it's finished. Hopefully it will turn out well.

Best friend (a term which I now use loosely) and his fiancee were in town on Saturday, so they came over for a while and then we went to eat a late lunch at a place down the road. I hadn't been there before because it had been closed due to flooding for a large portion of the time I have lived here, but oh man. It might be bad that it is within walking distance.

I was on the weight loss train for about three weeks before I basically said, "screw it." It's bad. I did a sugar fast for 4 days and have been fighting off the temptation to eat sweet things all.the.time. I did successfully keep myself from making a pan of brownies earlier, so that was good. I made a mug cake instead, but at least that is a single serving. I consider it a win. Win being a relative term. I don't know what it is about getting serious about becoming healthier that I have such a hard time with. I am responsible in nearly every other area of my life. And granted, compared to other people with similar BMIs, I probably am healthy, but I don't want to compare myself to other people. I am not being the healthiest person I can be, and that isn't okay. I have no self control when it comes to food and often lack the motivation to make myself exercise. I can use the time excuse to an extent, at least part of the week (like on Thursdays when I am at my internship for eight hours, come home and have about an hour before I have to work for four, and then basically have to get ready for Friday and then head to bed), but most of the other days I could work exercise in if I really wanted to. I just often choose not to.

I had an "I'm single" melt down yesterday after one of my friends got engaged last week, and then found out yesterday that my Aqua Zumba instructor got engaged last week as well. I am always genuinely happy for people when they get engaged, but it's also a difficult reminder that that isn't anywhere on the horizon for me. It doesn't bother me so much in the short term, but when I start thinking about my life in the next 5-10 years, it stresses me out. I desperately want children. And yes, that is children, not a child. Children. Plural. At least two. I'm crazy enough to say up to four, although that does depend some on what my future husband does and whether I will stay at home with said children. I am not ruling out adoption, and would definitely consider it, regardless of what my marital status ends up being, but having babies the old fashioned way is definitely a lot cheaper, although I love the idea of adopting an "older" sibling group. And by older I mean elementary school aged. People usually want babies, though. Or at least that is my understanding. That's a bridge to cross when I get there, though. But yes, I had a melt down. I try to remind myself that I have pretty much always been an odd ball on a lot of things and have done things in my own way and on my own time, so this shouldn't be any different. Plus I am very independent. It's not that I need a guy. I guess more than anything, I have the desire to have that companionship with someone who is there for the long haul.

I have amazing people in my life that love and care about me. Of course I am grateful to have them in my life and love and care about them in return. I realize that I am fortunate to have that when many people don't, but it isn't the same.

I have four more weeks left in my internship. It has flown by thus far, and I know the next four weeks will be gone before I know it. It has been a good experience, but I am also looking forward to a much different placement that I will have in the fall.

On Thursday (because my Thursdays aren't crazy enough on their own), I have been asked to assist the professors in my program with one of the group interviews for potential incoming students. One of the professors just retired and the replacement hasn't been finalized yet, so it is half needing/wanting a 3rd person and half helpful to have a current student so that the interviewees can ask me questions. I am really excited about the opportunity.

I suppose that is pretty much it. I do want to get into the habit of writing more often, regardless of what it is that that I am writing. I know that in retrospect, it is always nice to have a record of what is going on in my life, and if I don't write it down or record it in some way, I won't remember it. There is too much beauty in the every day things, which are the ones we tend to forget, to not somehow take note of them.

That's fine too

Not to sound like a broken record, but I never mean to go as long as I do without posting. It's a combination of things, I think. There is the ever present issue of time. I think I have more time than I realize, I just don't always use it in the best way. More than that, I often don't think I have anything new to say. I don't have any children to tell stories about or any parenting revelations I can post about, which it seems like is the case with a lot of bloggers. My job is dull, and I rarely have anything to share about it. The internship I am doing for school has stories, but I don't necessarily want to post them. Some of them I can't post anyway. Not ethically, at least. At this point, I still don't feel comfortable posting what I am even in school for because I don't want it to come back to bite me. I know it is highly unlikely that it would, especially given the fact that this blog itself is unsearchable via Google. Well, all search engines, really, but does anyone use anything other than Google? The last time I purposely used something other than Google was when it was down for a large portion of people in the eastern time zone a few months ago, but I digress.

I don't suppose any of that should matter. The entire purpose of this blog is to share about my life, and to do it honestly. Who cares if it's the same thing over and over? That is real life. Besides, this blog is for myself, not for anyone else. If someone happens to come across it and decide to read it, then hey, that's fine, but if not, that's fine too.