Two hundred ninety-two

Candle burning, wax
warming, internet set up
kind of Saturday.

Two hundred ninety-one

He is just not that
into me. And that's okay.
Well, it has to be.

Two hundred ninety

What a weird winter
day. Cold, warm, cold. Training on
a software system.

Two hundred eighty-nine

Email, I have my
email! Team meeting. What have
I agreed to do?

Two hundred eighty-eight

Observations gone
awry. Pyramids and a
wonderful letter.

Two hundred eighty-seven

Entered a fallout

shelter. Exited with

two stuffed animals.

Two hundred eighty-six

Sometimes you get a
thirty dollar surprise at
the grocery store. Sweet!

Two hundred eighty-five

Driving four hours
round trip to tie loose ends and
clean is quite tiring.

Two hundred eighty-four

I survived my first
full week! Well kind of. I did
not work on Monday.

Two hundred eighty-three

Online dating is
always good for a laugh or
three. Too much to read.

Two hundred eighty-two

Runners. They are kind
of everywhere and it is
just a bit scary.

Two hundred eighty-one

Twenty minutes of
unhurried time was a great
start to my evening.

Two hundred eighty

Double murder. Um,
yeah. That isn't scary in
the least. Not at all.

Two hundred seventy-nine

I woke up on my
own before seven. That must
mean I'm an adult.

Two hundred seventy-eight

Moving has got to 

be one of the worst things to

ever exist ever.

Two hundred seventy-seven

My legs kind of feel
like noodles. Insanity
was not very smart.

Two hundred seventy-six

First day at my first
"real" job. It still feels surreal.
I can't believe it.

Two hundred seventy-five

Fingers intertwined,
my head on your shoulder. That's
where I want to be.

Two hundred seventy-four

I have moved into
my new city. My big new
city. Exciting!

Two hundred seventy-three

Mid-day panic and
massive freak out. It turned out
okay. Life goes on.

Two hundred seventy-two

Packing never seems
to end. My kitchen looks like
it has exploded.

Two hundred seventy-one

My last burger from
the place down the street. Greasy,
but good. I'll miss it.

Two hundred seventy

My pinky finger
just wouldn't roll. I hope that
doesn't cause issues.

Two hundred sixty-nine

I'm thankful for friends
who will discuss personal
life details with me.

Vulnerable

"Everything good that has happened in your life happened because something changed." -Possibly Andy Andrews, but I can only find one place that gives him credit for that quote, so maybe not.

Earlier today, I found some old recordings I had made on my phone of things I had written in what feels like a previous life. One in particular stood out to me from when I was in my junior year of college. I think in part due to the fact that I am moving within the next 7-10 days. I had my last Chili's night last night, and the quote that kept coming to mind was one of A. A. Milne's. "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

What a whirlwind the last few years of my life have been. When I moved here, I anticipated that I would get to know my classmates due to the small size of our program and the number of classes we would have together. I had absolutely no clue that I would make friends who I could not even begin to imagine living a day without. Who I anticipate will be people I will always go to when I need a suggestion or a fresh idea or just need to talk to somebody who gets it. They are the group of friends I have always wanted and needed. They are ninety percent of what has made this city home. Even though it will be hard to leave them, it is worth every single ounce of sadness and difficulty. There is something so beautiful about letting people into your life. Letting them share your story. Realizing that the things you think and do that you think isolate you are often things they think and do too. Getting to a place where you are comfortable enough with them to have conversations about pretty much everything. Really, the word beautiful barely scratches the surface.

Back to my recording, though. Listening to it was a startling reminder of how much I have changed.

"Something I question more than almost anything else is where home is. I can tell you it's not the city I grew up in or the house I grew up in. And it's certainly not in the town I am going to school in. In fact, I kind of hate the town I am going to school in. It could never be home for me. I feel like home is something everybody should have, but few people do. I did once. There aren't really words to describe how it feels. People try to define home every day, and most people fall short. Some say it's the place or person you keep coming back to. Others say it's where the heart is. If that's what home is, I don't really want one. I don't want to keep going back to the same place because that means I have messed up. And if it's where the heart is, that requires giving it away. It requires vulnerability which will inevitably bring pain. I'm not really fond of messing up, and I'm certainly not fond of the pain that is associated with giving your heart away. Giving your heart away requires letting people in, and that rarely ends well."

I think this C. S. Lewis quote sums it up perfectly. "Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in a casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

So to my chili's ladies who probably won't ever read this, thank you. Thank you for sharing copious amounts of chips and queso with me. For breaking me out of my shell. For letting me become the person I am. For loving me despite my oddities and insecurities. For making me laugh and being there when I cried.

Thank you for being people who make it safe for me to be vulnerable.

Two hundred sixty-eight

More than anything
else, I am going to miss
Wednesdays at Chili's.

Two hundred sixty-seven

Baby boy is here!
Twenty questions with a cute
boy. It's getting cold.

Two hundred sixty-six

Official offer.
So many phone calls. There's a
baby on his way!

Gift baskets

I am kind of obsessed with gift baskets. Or themed gifts in general. I just think they are fun and love the coordination and item search that occurs leading up to giving the gift. I enjoy giving thoughtful and/or cohesive gifts, thus, the snow day gift basket was born. This one was for a friend, but with the exception of the pajama pants since figuring out somebody's size can be awkward, you could give this basket to just about anybody.

"Snow days in [name of city] are quite the rare treat, but in case you find yourself stranded, here are some things you'll need."

Of course, this tag may need some revisions depending on the area of the country. Where she lives, the whole city shuts down with anything beyond about one inch. 

I came up with this poem on my own; I was actually kind of proud of myself, even if it isn't very long.

• Cozy blanket
• Pajama pants
• Popcorn
• A movie [I got one of those 4-in-1 movies from Target]
• A pair of socks
• Cookie mix and a cookie cutter
• Movie theater candy
• A puzzle. She and I are equally obsessed.
• Two mint hot chocolate pops [instructions and printables here]
• Christmas scent bag [instructions and printables here]. I added two bay leaves to mine and chose to use dried rosemary rather than fresh mostly because fresh is expensive and I made a bunch of these scent bags for other people. Helpful hint: look for the spices in the hispanic food section of your grocery store. They are significantly cheaper and since you are not actually eating this, quality isn't a big deal. You could also do a candle if this isn't your thing.
• Body butter [instructions here]. This particular friend works in health care and washes her hands all.the.time. If I make this basket for someone else, I probably won't include this item. Not because she didn't like it, it was just something I made specifically for her more than it was something that fits with the theme. 

I also thought about including two mugs to go along with the hot chocolate pops, but ultimately decided against it. I think some people like having random mugs. I am one of those people. This friend is not.

So there you have it. My Christmas attempt at creativity. 

Two hundred sixty-five

Ah, a reminder
that my anxieties are
mostly unfounded.

Two hundred sixty-four

I think I may have
worked my last Saturday. Wow,
seems impossible.

Two hundred sixty-three

Sometimes I am way
too impatient for my own
good. It's time to pack.

Two hundred sixty-two

Another New Year.
I anticipate a lot
of new for this year.