The single perspective

Since I never post about being single, I figured now was the time. Entrée of new post with a large side of sarcasm, there.

Before I moved, I had largely stopped going to church. Partly because I never really connected myself in the church I attended before I moved and partly because Sundays were my only off days between school, internships, and work, and I just needed to rest. When I moved, I attended church on either my second or third Sunday here. Lucky for me, the first church I tried stuck. A few weeks later, I happened to sit behind a group of women around my age who invited me to the young adults Sunday School class, and that has transpired into joining a small group, but I digress.

I was at church on Sunday, and we are doing a new series about people in the Bible who had an encounter with God. Last week was Abraham. This week was Hagar. And it was just what I needed. I could just about type out all the notes I took and be done with the blog post, but I'll stick to a few favorites.

• Earth has no sorrow that heaven can't heal. God doesn't always change our situation. Often, he brings healing through the situation. Part of that is that sometimes things get worse before they can get better. Freedom from the situation often comes through pressing into the situation rather than running from it.
• God hears me. God sees me. God is going to be faithful through the situation, even though I often don't see how.
• God's redemption can be found anywhere, and sometimes (perhaps often times) it is found in the darkest places. 
• Sometimes the situations that seem the most futile and infertile are the ones that, looking back, are the most fruitful seasons.

And then yesterday, this got posted on the PostSecret facebook page.

It was just what I needed to see. 

There have been several times in my life that a bit of perspective is all I really need. I think I am finally getting to a place where I can see that about being single. I would be lying if I say that I enjoy everything about being single. Or if I didn't mean every single thing I said in my last post. But I would also be lying if I said I can't see how God is using this time of my life to shape me into the person I need to be. Shaping my faith, my trust. Shaping my patience in an entirely different way than how it has been shaped previously. Because while being single is hard, it isn't all bad, and I have freedom that I probably would not have if I was in a relationship. And I need to keep that in perspective.

Single is

"Everyone else is all about multiple bridal showers, gender reveal parties, and baby showers. What does anyone ever do to honor single women?"

When I was asked this question a few days ago, I laughed. Laughed because it's funny. Laughed because it's true. Laughed because the single friends of the women who are having bridal showers, gender reveal parties, and baby showers are the ones who are often there every step of the way. And then I responded.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

I realized that many women are not or were not single at 25. Okay, apparently half of 25-29 year old women have never been married (source), but I would imagine a good portion of those unmarried women are in a relationship. More than half of the 25-29 year old women I know are married or engaged. So I had a brilliant (hah) idea that I would write what single is. Maybe it's unfair or weird for me to do this. I am, after all, only 25. If at 30 I am still single, I'm sure I'll look back at this and roll my eyes. Regardless, it often feels like people in my life, though they try, just don't get it. Being single at 21 or 22 when you finish college is a completely different story than it is a few years down the road when you are done with your weird post-college jobs that compensate in resume bonus points and a few dollars over minimum wage and you finally get a real job. Of course, being single just out of grad school life and a few months into your first real job is a completely different story than a few years when you have both feet firmly planted in your profession, but hey. I can only speak from where I'm at.

Single is loving life but also wanting it to change.
Single is the guilt that follows the envy of another engagement.
Single is wondering when it will be your turn.
Single is the ache in your gut not knowing when, or if, you'll get the chance to have children.
Single is not being able to identify with songs on the radio.
Single is not having anyone to enjoy a summer afternoon thunderstorm with.
Single is not having anyone to cuddle with on a frigid winter night.
Single is waking up alone.
Single is wondering if there are any decent single men still out there.
Single is wondering what is wrong with you.
Single is being offered a plus one to a wedding and not having anybody to take.
Single is spending Valentine's Day alone. Again. But not minding because your issues with Valentine's Day started in middle school.
Single is watching others kiss when the ball drops.
Single is wondering if you'll have someone to kiss next year.
Single is taking care of everything yourself.
Single is one cup of coffee instead of two.
Single is nobody to hold onto during the scary parts.
Single is nobody to take turns with on road trips.
Single is listing a friend, sibling, or parent as your emergency contact.
Single is laughing at the weird messages you get from guys on OkCupid.
Single is wondering why an acquaintance who treats her boyfriend terribly isn't single.
Single is thinking that the fact that you judge somebody's relationship based on the small number of interactions you witness is probably why you are single.
Single is waiting until movies are out of theaters.
Single is sitting alone looking at your phone while you eat lunch at Panera.
Single is thinking how nice flowers would look on the kitchen table but not being able to justify buying them for yourself.
Single is the desire to vomit when you see a picture of a former crush with his new girlfriend.
Single is wondering how you'll ever be able to afford a decent house on one income.
Single is listening to married people tell you that someone will come along if you stop looking.
Single is your well meaning aunt asking you every time she sees you if there is a special guy.
Single is your well meaning mother asking you if so and so has a brother who is single.
Single is watching your friends take a big vacation before they start trying to have children.
Single is watching your friends have children on purpose.
Single is being a bridesmaid in the wedding of the guy you thought you were going to marry.
Single is eating leftovers for the next three meals.
Single is always coming home to an empty house.
Single is lonely.

I know being coupled doesn't magically make life better. It doesn't make all these things go away. Hell. I would rather be single and lonely than married and lonely. Not everything about being single is bad. Not everything about being married is good. I'm not delusional; just single.