Hidden From Plain View: February 2015

It's no secret that I am doing online dating. At least not here. Really not to anybody in my life other than my family. And that isn't even entirely true anymore because I told all three of my brothers and both of my sisters-in-law when we were together at Thanksgiving, but I digress. The whole thing has been okayish, I guess. I went on a date back in October. The best part of that evening was picking up a carton of Moose Tracks afterwards and taking it over to a friend's house.

I took a break from things for a while in November due to some other things going on in my life, and got back into it sometime in December, I think. Early January, I started talking to a guy, pretty seriously (or so I thought), who ended up completely disappearing right around the time I moved and started my job. Now I am not bothered at all by people deciding I'm not right for them. Totally fine. I'm not right for everybody. That would be impossible. However, as a human being who is talking to or going on dates with other human beings, I expect them to show some basic respect and tell me. Nothing extensive. "Hey, I don't think this is going to work" will suffice. If you want to give me details, fine. If not, fine. Just tell me. I've done it. It's not fun and I don't enjoy it, but I have enough decency to be honest with people.

Shortly after he disappeared, I started talking to another guy. We had planned twice to get coffee. Both times he had something come up. Not a huge deal, and he at least let me know before I went and met him there. The second time it was a little more last minute. He explained why, which is neither here nor there. I told him I hoped the situation got better, and I haven't heard from him since. Or I hadn't until I randomly get a text from him this evening. Seriously? It has been almost a month. I mean COME ON! He apologized, made an excuse, explained why things were better, said I'm "pretty awesome," (really?), and apologized again. I guess kudos for apologizing, even if it took a while.

At this point, I don't think I owe him a response, but it is so tempting to be passive aggressive. I get that life happens. I have had things happen and I have needed to step away from various things, dating included. But I tell people. Nothing extensive. It would have taken him, maybe, thirty seconds to say that some things had come up, or changed, or whatever. Why is this too much to ask for? I mean it's not. If a guy is legitimately interested, I shouldn't be left wondering. I keep thinking about the book/movie He's Just Not That Into You. I know I have to take that with a grain of salt. It's not always that clear cut, but it's a place to start.

After a not so great first date last night that lasted about twice as long as was appropriate, it was a reminder that I am in no rush. I mean I am, I guess. I want to have children eventually and biologically that can only happen for so long, but I would rather be single than have children with the wrong person. There's nothing that says I can't have children on my own either by adoption or through a sperm donor, though I don't think I would ever go through with the later. I would be better off raising a child on my own than with a man who is a subpar father or who is going to disappear without notice.

I'm not sure what the point of this post was other than to remind myself, again, that I am worth enough to wait for the right guy. That it's not my fault if a guy is rude. That it is okay to not be interested in somebody I thought I would be. It's okay to wait. Even if it means that when I wake up on my wedding day I am 82-years-old. That's okay.