Wagon Wheel

"Headed down south to the land of the pine,
Tumblin' my way into North Caroline,
Staring at the road,
Pray to God I see headlights.
I made it down the coast in 17 hours,
Pickin' me a bouquet of dogwood flowers,
And I'm a hopin' to Raleigh,
I can see my baby tonight."

Sigh. Deep breath.

"So rock me mama like a wagon wheel,
Rock me mama any way you feel,
Hey, mama rock me.
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain,
Rock me mama like a southbound train,
Hey, mama rock me."

Gulp.

"Running from the cold up in New England,
I was born to be a fiddler in an old time string band,
My baby plays a guitar,
I pick a banjo now.
Oh, the north country winters keep a gettin' me now,
I lost my money playing poker so I had to up and leave,
But I ain't a turnin' back
To livin' that old life no more."

I miss him.

"So rock me mama like a wagon wheel,
Rock me mama any way you feel,
Hey, mama rock me.
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain,
Rock me mama like a southbound train,
Hey mama rock me."

This is terrible. Why am I listening to this?

"Welcome to the south out of Roanoke,
I caught a trucker out of Philly,
Had a nice long toke,
Bud he's a headin' west from the Cumberland Gap
To Johnson City, Tennessee.
And I gotta get a move on before the sun,
I hear my baby callin' my name,
And I know that she's the only one,
So if I die in Raleigh,
At least I will die free."

I wonder what he's doing?

"So rock me mama like a wagon wheel,
Rock me mama any way you feel,
Hey, mama rock me.
Rock me mama like the wind and the rain,
Rock me mama like a southbound train,
Hey mama rock me."

I need to know he's okay.

And that is how my ex best friend and I started talking again.

(Song lyrics copyright of OCMS)

Freaking out

Last night on my way home from class, I was sort of freaking out about my life. Because, frankly, freaking out is one of the few things I am really good at. I was bugging one of my friends to death. He basically told I was stressing way more than I needed to and that I needed to calm down. He was right, of course.

This evening, I found a quote I thought was very applicable to my current situation,

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be." -Marcel Pagnol

This friend may or may not be the same friend I referred to in my November posts about my ex-best friend. Yeah, we're talking again. That is another story for another time, but it has been so good. 

Donate my organs

To say that I feel like a wreck would be a massive understatement.

I have been up for over 17 hours (at which point the sleepiness from that is apparently the equivalent to having a BAC of .05).  Basically what I am saying, is that I am drunk on sleeplessness. The last week hasn't exactly been restful, either.

Two eleven hour car rides in the last five days tend to do that to a person, especially when the driver is on a rampage that involves throwing money (because heaven forbid, I hand said driver a dollar bill instead of 4 quarters), riding bumpers (we're talking 5-8 feet), and general fear for my life. I'm not exaggerating. I am not sure how we made it back without getting into a wreck. On the return trip, I think I spoke maybe twenty words. In eleven hours. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not much of a talker, but at some point I realized that talking in a car when a grown man who is throwing a 24-hour-long temper tantrum of a three-year-old is driving, talking is not the wisest decision.

And such is life with my father.

This evening, I drove two hours to go to class (two more to come back). The entire time, I couldn't help but think about how overwhelmed I am. Forty hour work weeks and school is stressing me out. I know people do way more, but I'm not used to it.

Come fall, I will probably be a basket case.

Hopefully, I'll make it out alive and in one piece.

If not, please donate my organs.

Going forward

After the events of my life over the past few months, and the upcoming events of the next few years, I have decided that blogging again is probably a wise decision. Sure, I journal privately elsewhere, but that's not the same. I am starting grad school full time in August, and I anticipate that blogging will be a good release. One thing I really like about the program I am in is that they emphasize the importance of wellness, and one thing I have learned about myself is that writing is more beneficial for my wellness than pretty much anything else. It allows me to move on, but it also allows me to look back. I find that so often, I remember aspects of the past, but if I read what I wrote about a specific event, it is almost like I am living in that moment again.

Memories are so important to me. Most people that know me well could tell you that based on the fact that I remember random and obscure things. In many ways, I think that remembering the words someone has spoken to you is the best way to show a person that you care about them and that you are interested in their life. I am more than willing to admit that I am not the greatest conversationalist because I often don't know what to say and I have a tendency to stumble over my words, but if I remember what people tell me, I guess I feel like that makes up for it somehow.

I am not entirely sure what I am going to be writing about going forward. I do have a few ideas, though.

I was thinking earlier about a lot of the activities and crafts I look for on pinterest to do with the children I work with are geared for parents to do with their own children rather than teachers/day care workers to do with a group of children. It made me want to compile games/crafts/activities that are good for groups.

More than likely, I will continue blogging about my personal life. To an extent, at least. I know that I have to be careful about that, as does any blogger. Especially considering my current job and the profession I am attending grad school for.

I may return to posting quotes before or as entries. I may post pictures, although I am not much of a picture taker, so that might be wishful thinking.

Honestly, I expect it will be a mix of a variety of things. I think that will keep me on my toes and hopefully if I manage to get any followers, it will keep them interested.