An open letter to my childhood friend who was never actually my friend

Dear childhood friend who was never actually my friend,

Most of the time when you post obnoxious things on Facebook, I ignore them. They are almost always pretty irrelevant to my life, and frankly, I don't really care anymore. You were a fair weather friend if I have ever met one, and I regret that I spent so many hours over my childhood and adolescent years trying to get into or stay in your good graces. What is done is done, and there is no denying that you have helped me become the person I am. If nothing else, you have made me realize what a friend is not.

Regardless, that is not the purpose of this letter. The purpose of this letter is to address your most recent Facebook status. I won't copy and paste it because that doesn't feel right, but the basis was that it was inappropriate for single people to give relationship advice, that you hate it when they do, and that because they are single it "invalidates" any advice that may be given.

On one level I completely agree with you. I think advice in general is not a wise decision. Mostly because I think the end result is more meaningful and all around better if the person comes to a conclusion on their own. That isn't to say that I am unwilling to help a person make that conclusion or ask questions that may guide them there, but it would be rare for me to actually give somebody advice. If I did give advice, it would be something like, "Oh, you have been projectile vomiting for the last week? You might want to go see a doctor about that." Or, "The fire alarm is going off in your house and it is not because you burnt something in the oven/on the stove? You might want to hang up, get you and your family members out of the house, and call 911." But on that one level, I would also say that you are not qualified to give relationship advice either. Just because something works or doesn't work for you and your husband (who, by the way, you have known since middle school and been dating since shortly after high school and have never had to actually be single as an adult) doesn't mean that you have any knowledge or understanding of any romantic relationship other than your own. Which is great because, guess what?! I don't either! I am not a marriage counselor. I have never taken a class on romantic relationships or marriage or family counseling. I have never taken a course on the psychology behind relationships.

So on one hand, yes, you are right. I am not qualified to give relationship advice. Here is the thing, though. You aren't either.

Also, as I mentioned previously, you have been single for no more than, what? A year of your adult life, if that. I say that to point out that you have no idea what it is like to be single. Being single at 18 or 19 is completely different than being single at 24. I have no doubt that being single at 24 is completely different than being single at 30.

Being single is not a disease. There is nothing inherently wrong with being single. There isn't inherently anything wrong with people who are single. Is there a reason why some people are single? Sure! I'm sure there are lots of reasons why some people are single. For example, right now I am single because *gasp* I choose to be. And granted part of that is that there is not currently a man in my life in which I am interested, but it is more that my life is so consistently inconsistent right now that starting a relationship does not make sense. Especially given the fact that I have no idea where I will be living this time next year. Furthermore, just because somebody is single right now does not mean that they have never been a relationship in the past and have, in some way, shape, or form, learned something from said relationship. There are also people who are in relationships who have no right to be in them because they choose to abuse their significant other. Are they qualified to give relationship advice? I would dare say that, even ignoring my own personal beliefs about advice giving, they are not.

And guess what, if you don't want the relationship advice of a single person, you don't have to read it! And if you do read it you, shockingly, don't have to take it. I realize the same goes for me. If I don't want to read your asinine, insensitive, and poorly written Facebook statuses, I don't have to read them. Truthfully, though, I appreciate your asinine, insensitive, and poorly written Facebook statuses because they provoke me to think about what I actually believe and how I view things.

So even though I completely disagree with you and think it was inappropriate and in poor taste to insinuate that there is something inherently wrong with people who are single, thank you. That is probably the best thing you have ever done for me, childhood friend who was never actually my friend.